I'm dying like..

I'm dying alone,

Like

I was born alone..

Your eyes were in amber like a color of sunset

Your eyes as a crow

fell from my

cat's eyes, once.


It was in the color of amber,

once reflected the color of sunset,

and became a marble of my cat's eyes

and fell on the ground..


Maybe it indicated something

still continues today..


It was making

echoing sounds

as it fell on the wooden floor

of the corridor in my apartment

where I was about leave..


It was echoing and fading away

as I walked away from the empty rooms

and I shut the door.


And my eyes were filled

with water

from Dead Sea..


Once you had eyes of crows

which reflected the color of sunset,

and they became marbles of my cat's eyes

in the color of amber.


I remember that,

and still is.

Love should be more Offering, not Suffering..

You just make me feel so sad,

that's all you do.


I need someone

who makes me smile.

Not the other way round.


I don't even know

if it's called Love or Hatred..


Something makes me so sad

is definitely not Love.

But it is not really a Hatred.


This is not a hatred,

but not love.


I need someone who makes me

feel so happy,

Not the way you do.


It may be not called " Love ".


If that is something make one feel happy,

it's definitely not called love,

but carelessness.


And this is not what I'm seeking for..


And if he doesn't wish for

my happiness,

says doesn't want to see me smile,

it's just a selfishness.


And it is definitely not the one

I'm looking for..


It shouldn't be something

chokes me to death.

Your love is choking me,

I cannot even breathe..


All I want to do is

getting out from this

vicious circle..


I don't want to go around the

same place any more..


You don't even care

how I feel

if you say so.


But you still carry on.


I need someone

who takes care of me

and love me, and spoil me..


You are not the one

who does

all these things to me..


Love should be

More Offering,

Not Suffering..


And Love shouldn't be

just one-way road..

That's how life should be.. with more colored

Life should be

more colored.


Not just

Black and white.

The Garden.

I remember

when my Grand Dad

was still there,

the Garden was beautiful..


but after he'd gone,

the Garden was getting

deteriorated day by day..

with the presence of

my Grand Mother getting larger,

that was the God Mother of devils

in my families

and I became totally alone there.


I remember

I felt really sad

the Garden was changing a lot,

distorted by her,

after he passed away..


He was a silent wise man,

with lots of cultural and artistic interests,

an intelligent elite

who'd got a style.


He had good tastes

on clothes and things he chose,

and everything.


He was the only one in that family

whom I really felt for,

there was no one else like that

in that entire families

on my father's side,

after he was gone..


I miss the Garden

he created..


That was the only good memory

in that house..


The Garden he created.

What makes the difference in the world you're alive ?

Love makes the difference

in the end.


What is in your heart

really matters.


Not how you look,

Not what you wear,

That is

what you have and carry

in your heart

makes the difference.


I believe so.


I hope

you do the same,

too.

R.I.P. Johnny (1952-1991)

He was only 38

when he passed away


He looked

even + 10 years or more.


Nobody really cared

about the sadness

lied in him..


When your loneliness roared,

people ignored it.


and enjoyed watching

while you're stoned

as a consequence.


What a sad world.

People made him an icon

so that he was totally isolated.


and the drug

took his life away

eternally

as a sequence.


And it made him an icon

forever.


I hope

you are not

as lonely as you were,

now.