Going towards the deadly cliff

I'm not deteriorated

I'm just falling

into the depth.


I'm not dying

but I feel like

I'm going towards

the death.


Everyone is going towards

that direction,

whether they realize it or not.


I just feel like

my speed towards death

is accelerated

more than ever ..


I'm on the half way to the

deadly cliff


Am I going to

jump out from the there

to the other side ?


Will I be saved

or not ?


Will I reach

the other of the cliff

or fall ? ..


Nobody knows their fates,

but we can sense

if the death is closer ..


After jumping out from the cliff,

I will fly ..


Nobody knows

the fate of my motor cycle

until the death tears me apart from there

and fall

C'est la vie..

Things doesn't go

as I wish

or as I planed.


Maybe,

that is the life

Very last wish for my last breath

If I die tomorrow,

what have I left

to be done ? ..


I don't know.

It's a sudden question

like a red theatre curtain of death

suddenly falls on my head.


I don't know

what I want to do..


I probably sit there

thinking of my

very last moment..


Maybe I'm not able to

concentrate on

doing anything else.


And the clock is still

ticking

to the last moment

of my breath..


Maybe all I can do is

just to wish

to be calm

to face my own death.


I don't know.

What else can I do ? ..


My mind just go blank

until the very last moment


and then,

time will be run out.

TORTURERS

People who

torture the others

haven't got a heart

to feel

how much

people who are tortured

hurt.


When they become

other way round,

would they finally

feel the pain

and regret

what they have done ?

Or just scream out

their own pains

and

behave like

they are the only one

who suffers ?


I've seen so may people like that

in my life already.


There's nothing more to expect that

those people would turn to be a

good-hearted in the end.


Cold-hearted would

never turn out to be

Warm-hearted.


I knew that already.

Their own cruelty doesn't count

People don't care

about cruelty

if it's towards the others.


But people do care

if it's towards them.


They don't mind

killing the others.


But they do care

when they are killed.


That is the " law "

which works in the most

Western countries

and many others.

Walking on a Red Dead Sea

When loneliness bites you

in the air,

it bites your neck

and suck your blood,

and it becomes

Red Dead Sea of Blood.


It spread rapidly on a dried land

as if blood sucks the Earth.


Now you are about to drown

in a Red-blooded Sea

and call somebody for help

but nobody was there.


When you finally get to the shore,

you start to drink your own blood

from the Read Dead Sea to survive.


Nobody come for days,

it seems like for ages.


I saw people ages ago,

and now almost have forgotten

the languages to speak.


Sun burns above my head,

there's no water around,

the only thing I can drink

is my own blood

from the Salty Red Sea

to extend my life..


That salty red water

melts on my tongue

taste like some kind of raw glue

and my throat becomes

thirst to death.


I'm walking on a Read Dead Sea,

which is about to be dried.


As my throat is dried out,

there is no voice to scream for help

any more.

No more words come out from my mouth.


I close my thirsted eye lids

under the burning sky,

Sun seems always there

while I sleep or am awake.


My exhaustion is at the peak.

When I see the last blink of the light,

I feel faint

and I lose consciousness in the end ..


And I wake up

on my bed again

on my red bed linen,

and I think to myself

" It's all over .. it was just a dream "

Water drops become icy hail when they reach water puddle on the ground

What is the thing

you have to overcome ?


That might be the sadness,

That might be the loneliness,

That might be the madness in you


Deep sorrow flows

as you watch in the air.


You see water drops in the air.

Is that called rain ?

Or is it called tears ? ..


What is floating

in the sky of your inner space,

maybe it's just called Whatever.


You watch it as it falls down.


It flows slowly

in the air,

and that drop is floating

for a while,

And then suddenly drops

onto the water puddle

on the ground.


Even its splash is in slow motion,

and its water is

crystal clear and icy cold.


You watch it

as it goes by,

flows and falls down.


People call it

rain

or tear's drop

or maybe just " whatever ".


It doesn't matter

what is called.

It comes out

from my mind

and flows into the air.


As I watch it goes by,

floating in the air,

suddenly it drops

onto the ground.


Water drops and falls.

Someone wish for it not to fall,

but it has a fate to do so.


When it falls down on the ground,

it looks crystal clear

and becomes pieces of

icy hail

broken into pieces.


And when Sun comes up later on,

it melts onto the soil

and then,

you wake up again.



Water drop becomes icy hail

when they reach

water puddle on the ground.

Feel more connected

It's a cold

and rainy

winter day.


Today I've found

everyone's got something

inside of them.


I feel fine.

I feel more connected.


I feel better

finding

I'm not the only one..

The place I want to be buried..

I know

where I'll be buried.

That is

at the beneath of the hill,

overlooking the ocean.


There is a temple

in the place

where my ancestors

used to live.


This is the place

I want to be buried.

This is the place

where I feel connected,

free and safe,

and that I finally return

my ancestors' longing home.

It's in my blood.


This is the place

I want to return and buried

at the end of my journey

throughout my past to the moment

There will be Another Door ..

Loneliness

drives you crazy.


You inject yourself

to fill the emptiness

so that you don't need to feel

the loneliness any more.


But that is a disguise.

It is just an illusion.

The reality is the same.


If it is the only way

to escape from the reality,

that is wrong, you know that.


You need to face the reality,

even it's too painful to see.

But if you overcome the pain,

it will open the another door

which leads your life

to another dimension.


So there will be another door

to open your life.

N.S.'s diary

I listened to your songs

and read your diary.


I think

you are as lonely as me.


You have

a painful childhood

like me.


You don't have a family,

just like me.


So, I feel like

I'm not the only one who suffer.


Thank you for sharing this,

Nikki Sixx.


* I've just found that " diary " and the album
which were in my shelve for a while,
in this morning by chance.
I bought them before,
but I haven't really read or listen to it until now.
Now, it is the right moment.

Haunted by my family

It's not my family,

It is my enemy.


I really regret that

I was born in that family.


The family is cursed.


I wish next time

I'll be born

in a happier family.


Not Like This At All,

which has been haunting me

all my life.


I just want to be with people

who have hearts next time.

The Silent Violence

The Violence in my family

was Silent.


No one shouldn't

tell it to

the outside of the family.


The Silent Violence continued

and it still continues in my head.


The Violence in the family

is muted

but it comes out

from my mouth.


The Silence has been broken

Just a small wish for my next life

No worries,

there is no one who hurt me anymore.


But still my memories strangle me.

That was my father.


And the tragedy of my mother

still affects in my life.


All of my family and relatives are cursed.

I mean, most of them.


I hope it will go away one day

without taking my life away.


That is the invisible scar

on my wrist.


They are lifted

when I have nothing else to do

or especially during the happiest time for families,

the holiday seasons

and also around my birthday.

They are not the happiest time at all.

In fact, it is the worst time of the year

with lots of suffering in me.


Will I be able to have happier moments

while I still live ?


Or is it better to save it for my next life

to wish for

when I'll be reborn ?


This is such a small wish for that

" I want to be happy "

or " happier person " within an ordinary family

without any violence.


Will I be able to make it come true one day ? ..

I really make a wish for it.

Wishing lists

If there are things left

in which I really wanted to do

but I haven't done yet so far ,

that would be

reading my poetry

in front of other people,

joining poetry reading in NYC.


I'd love to go back to New York, once again..


And then, visiting some places in Europe,

the beautiful places around Aegean Sea

in which I have not visited yet ..


If there are other things I haven't accomplished yet,

that would be ..

- Have a happy family
- Be(come) happy
- Enjoy staying with nice people, without suffering
- Having a happy time


" I just wanna be happy "

This is the answer to my life,

because people don't see my sufferings

" Just wanna be happy .." ~ A tribute to John Lennon

When John Lennon was asked

by his teacher in his class

" What do you wanna be in the future ? "

He answered,

He wanna to be " Happy "

and then, all his classmates

laughed at him.


And he thought to himself,

" People don't know

what really " Happiness " means. "


I know what you mean, John,

because I feel the same.


I just wanna be happy

rather than being a doctor,

or pilot or anything like that.


I just wanna be happy

What was missing in between us ? ..

I thought

We had many things in common,

and we probably liked each others.


But there was something blocking

in between us.


I didn't know

whether it's someone

or something else.


I didn't even know

whether it was our fate or not.


We have so many things in common, still.

We love domestic animals,

We love art,

We love music,

We love cooking at home,

We love beautiful thing to watch

and take pictures of them

from our perspectives.

We love talking to each others

and it's just fun.


So what was missing in between us, then ?


We love same kind of place to have coffee,

We love watching moon,

We love writing poetries..


So what was missing in between us ?


I thought, at that time,

it was just a little courage to say

we wanted to stay together,

but maybe it was just all my illusion.


And those days have gone

and fall apart.

Death Sentence

This is just like a

Death Sentence.

How long

will I be able to live?


How long will my heart beat

and when will it stop beating ?


It's like

knowing for how long

I will be able to live.


Knowing this,

my life would be more concentrated

and motivated

without wasting each moment

when I'm still on Earth.


Until the Death

come to

knock on my door

and take my soul away

to the other side.


When will it end ?


I need a little more strength to know and face it.

With the shadow of my death

Without the shadow of my death,

my life would have been different.


My life was quite cheerful

until recently.


Early spring flowers

in my garden

smiled at me.


But now,

it loses its colors

and becomes all black and white.


I have no one to

hold in my arms.


I have no one to

encourage me.


There is no one

who gives me more strength

to live.


I feel like

it doesn't matter

if my World Ends tomorrow.

Because I had already enough with it.

And there's no reason

why I want to continue

living on Earth.

Because I have no one

who cares and loves me

any more.


I have no one left on Earth

to hold my hands

when I leave the Earth..

There will be another passengers on Earth.

Don't worry

even though I'll die soon,

there will be nothing at all.


The World won't be affected.

The World carries on

just like usual

and the World continues

with other people on it.


The Earth has continued like that always.

It changes its passengers,

but still carries on.


So don't worry,

the World will carries on just like yesterday,

even after I die,

It won't end.

When my World ends, there will be nothing at all.

When my life ends,

the World still carries on

without me,

as if nothing had happened.


Imagine the world without me,

but it will continue

just like the day before,

as if my existence

didn't mean anything at all.


There will be a World without me.

But who really cares

if I'm still part of it or not ?


It's just a small thing.


Who really cares

if I'm still alive or dead ?


There will be a World without me.

There will be no one to mourn

when my life ends

because my existence doesn't mean

anything at all to anyone.


And Life goes on as usual

Moment of void, falling into a pitfall.

I'm trying to keep myself busy,

While I feel a little emptiness

in me.


When I keep myself busy,

I'm fine.


But, when I stop doing something,

suddenly,

there is a moment of void

and I fall into a pitfall,

to a dark, deep, rabbit hole

inside of me.


I'm falling down

and try to close my eyes,

but I still can see


Time goes backwards.

Pieces of my memories become

cut moving pictures

and start to flow in the air.

I can see the pieces of images of my past

as I fall down.


When I get down to the bottom,

it is a kinda soft,

a little wet,

and slightly dark

like being in a

someone's stomach.


I lay on the " tongue "

until I'm finally able to sleep

without any thoughts

after the exhaustion,

and I sleep like a stone..

Will I see the spring again ? ..

My life will be changed soon.

But I don't know how, yet.


Will I be dying

or will I be living ?


Will I die

or continue living ?


Will I see the spring again

with full of flowers blooming

in front of my eyes

after the long cold winter ?


長く寒い冬があるからこそ、

花で溢れる春が

うつくしく見えるのかもしれない。


I hope it will be on Earth, still.


I hope to see the beautiful spring again

after the long cold winter

will be gone ..

巡りめく季節の風景を

いつもよく

季節の移り変わりを

題材にして、

そこに気持ちを乗せて

詩を書いたりしているが、


ふと、

「一体これから何度

この同じ

巡ってくる季節の風景を

観れるのだろうか」と

思った。


何気ない

当たり前だと思っていた

巡りめく季節の移り変わりの風景を

ふと、

あと何回、

観れるのだろうか、と。

死を恐れる病と、死を恐れない恐怖。

死を恐れる病と、

死を恐れない恐怖。


死を恐れる余りに、

”今”この瞬間を

精一杯やりきれないことと


死を恐れないあまりに

その死を乗り越えてしまう場合もある。


その死を恐れる恐怖があるからこそ、

人は自制が効くし、

大切に生きようともする。



どちらにせよ、

後悔するようなことは

しないようにしなければならない。


一度死んでしまったら、

あとには引き返せないのだから。

死を恐れる恐怖。

死とは、

それは我々が

”無”になること。

自分の個体としての存在が、

この世界の中から去り、

魂ごと”無”の存在の状態になることだ。


では何故人はその”死”を恐れるのか。

その死を恐れるあまり、

今この生きている瞬間がおろそかになる

場合もある。


我々は、この肉体の死のあと、

天国や地獄に行くのではない。

それは「観念」の世界の話だ。


一体、我々が生まれる前の状態のことを

覚えている人はこの世界で何人いるのだろうか？


死とは、我々が生まれる前の状態に戻っていくということ。

そうそれは完全な「無」の状態である。

肉体の死とは、そこに宿る精神の死を同時に意味する。


死んでしまえば、何も感じることはできない。

この世に躰がなくなってしまえば。

肉体がなくなってしまった後も、

存在し続けることは

できないのだ。


そこには、

この世で自分が思い残したことが

あった時のみ、

肉体が無くなったあとにも、

その心が

空中に浮遊している場合も

あるのかもしれない。


だから、

この今生きている

一瞬一瞬を大事にして

この世で自分の思ったことをやりきるように

しなければいけない。


最期の瞬間に「いい人生だった」と

思えることが、

本当に良い人生だったのではなのでは

ないだろうか。


我々はいつか、

皆最後はそこに

向かっている。


だから今生きている瞬間を

大切に生きなければいけない。


死を恐れるあまり、

この今生きている瞬間を

疎かにしては、

いけないのだ。

躰と魂の関係

我々の魂は

我々の肉体が続く限り

そこに宿り続けることができる。


逆に言えば、

もうそこにその肉体が無くなってしまえば、

そこに宿ることはできない。


躰と魂は、

運命共同体なのである。



我々は、例え

どんなに辛い思いをしたとしても

そのことで

肉体は死なない。


逆に言えば、

躰が滅んでしまえば、

いくら望んだところで、

そこに存在することはできない。


心の傷はその時のものでも、

肉体の傷は一生消えないもので

あったりもする。


例え心の傷が消えないものであったとしても

いつかは完治することもあるだろう。

しかし不治の肉体の病や傷は

心までも、死へと落とし込める。


しかしながら、

長引く心の病が体の病を引き起こすこともある。

だから、

心と体の両方を

大切にすることが必要。



いくら辛い思いをして

落ち込んだとしても、

そのことで

人間は死ぬことはない。


しかしもしそのことで、

自分の肉体を

傷つけてしまったとしたら

その傷は一生残る場合もある。


そのことで、

いくら体を傷つけたとしても、

心の傷は

消えないのである。


気持ちは、

一度死んだと思えば、

再生できるかもしれないが、

肉体は

一度滅んでしまえば、

そうはいかない。



だから、

今生きている

このそれぞれの瞬間を

肉体と心と共に

大切に生きなければ、と

私は思う。


そしてそれが

それぞれの最期の瞬間に、

意味の為すものと

なって行くだろう。

Die Young and Beautiful

I don't want to live

with my head down.


I don't wanna still live

when my mind would be

out of control.


I don't wanna live

with my body

losing mobility.


I would rather die

young and beautiful.



I don't wanna still live

when I become

one of those miserable old people

who mourn their lives all the time.


I would rather die

tomorrow

when I'm still young and beautiful.


So people would remember me.

Will I be remembered ? ..

If I die tomorrow,

Will somebody remember me ?


Will somebody think

they did care about me ?


Or will it be too late

after I will have been gone ?


Or there will be no one

in that place ? ..


Either way,

if I don't feel anything about it,

it wouldn't make any sense to me.


Because,

it means,

I don't have anyone, anyway

when I will be gone


Who really cares,

if I die tomorrow.

When the icy coffin melts, spring may come

When winter is over,

I will be over

I will lay down myself

in an icy coffin

with petals of flowers

above my face.


When icicle melts,

obstacles will be gone

Obstacles which hinder me from

going ahead or even dreaming.


I will lie down in my coffin,

until the spring will open

the heaven's door for me.


When the icy coffin melts,

I will come back to a life again

to see flowers blossoming

in front of my eyes.


Will it be a paradise or not ?

Will I be in heaven or somewhere on Earth ?


I will probably close my eyes again

to see whether it's heaven or not.


I will hear birds singing

I may close my ears

to find out whether it's real or not.


It might be not that important

whether it's in heaven or on Earth.

The important thing is

that I will be there one day

whether with my my eyes open or closed.


When the icy coffin melts,

spring may arrive

ahead of me ..

You will miss the winter when the Sun gets higher..

Rainy Day

with sunny spells

from time to time

on a cold winter day.


It changes like my heart.

I'm shifting from

bright to dark

and viceversa.


My winter cloud

is not that thick

nor too gray

like the one

in foreign countries

especially like the one I once saw in England ..

with No Lights,

you feel

as if you live under the ground.


You become a worm

which has never seen the lights,

and sleep until the spring comes

under the soil,

Until you realize

the first light you will see is

how bright and stings your eyes.


Then you'll get used to the light

until you forget

you come from

the underground.


And you will forget

how cold the winter was,

and you will miss the dark winter again

when the Sun gets higher above your head

and Sunshine becomes too bright to your eyes..


I will miss the winter again

when the Sun gets higher ..

and then,

when the Sun falls,

the winter starts again..


You will miss the winter

when the Sun gets higher above your head..

When the winter starts, the darkness is invited to fill my void

Darkness becomes my friend.

It's been always by my side,

since the winter started,

like my old friend.


It will stay

until I wipe it out forever.

but I don't even know

if the day will come either.


Depression stays by my side

when I have a moment of " void ",

it's always invited to fill

my space in between

my darkness and brightness.


Darkness becomes my old friend,

and it will stay by my side,

maybe, forever ..

Winter Fairies

寒くて暗い、

冬は嫌い。


Some says

they love winter,

but I don't.


It's just cold and dark to me.


Some believes

there are Winter Fairies,

but they don't bring me a happiness

in the darkness either.


だから、

寒くて暗い、

冬は嫌い。


'Cause Winter Fairies doesn't exist for me..

Rainy Sunday

Rainy Sunday

can be a

Gloomy Sunday.


It might rain all day today.


Water falls on the ground

like a cascade

And people call it " rain "

like someone said

in a film.


Rainy Sunday

can be a

Gloomy Sunday.


but it's not that bad

after all.

I can feel that

spring will come

after this.


Rainy day all day

is not that bad

after all.

I can feel

the spring light will arrive

after all.


Rainy Sunday

can be just before

a rainbow will bridge in the sky.

and a sunny spell

will show up

in between the winter clouds.


I just wait for the

spring to come

ahead of me..

Daily Routine ..

It's all coming back to normal,

to my daily routine.

I'm feeling so fine.


Life is going back to normal

like wheels are turning

as an engine has started.


People are rushing to the station,

I'm watching them

as they pass by

as usual.


The Human Race,

going back to normal.

And my heart starts to beat again

to continue my life.


The Daily Routine,

I love that.


It makes me feel

that I'm still alive

and my life is not over yet.


So that I don't need to worry about

small things any more..


Just concentrate on the moment

I'm living in.

Life is not that bad after all.


Being in the stream,

I'm still feeling so fine,

and it makes me feel so alive


There's no need to worry about

the things aren't in front of me

any more.


Just let the thing be as it's seen..

don't need to exaggerate any longer.


Let me be in the daily stream,

I'm just feeling so fine.

When the stars fall on the ground, they lose their hearts.

When stars fall on the ground

they just become

heartless lights.


And when there are too many people,

you feel lonelier

than being in the middle of nowhere.


I'm watching out

people passing by

from the window pane.

They look too busy on their own matters

and having no time to waste.

They're all in a rush

to beat the others

as if those were all whores.


They need to be in a stream,

not to be an outsider.

Just scare to be outside of the circle

and they are going around the same places,

not be outside as a loser.


This is a cruel world,

nobody really cares what you do.

You either beat them or are beaten,

eat them or are eaten,

or even kill them or are killed.


Me,

I just don't want to be eaten by those people,

and question to myself

" What is that for in the end ? "


When the stars fall on the ground,

they all lose their hearts

in Big Cities.

Going around the circle, like being in a circus ..

It's funny.

A life is like that.


I've got a funny feeling

when I watch

people going around the circle,

like they are in circus.


Maybe people are all like that

on basis.

Like animals in circus

pretend like they are funny and happy.


People are dancing in the circle,

following from one to another

with same happy faces

disguising like clowns.


They just want to be part of the circus

not to be an odd one

People think that person is a clown,

but maybe they are the real clowns.


People are going around the circle

like the Earth spins and draws a circle

We are all in a cage of Earth orbit

like being animals in cages in circus.


They just don't realize it

or just pretending ? ..


- After watching the scene from 8 1/2 by Federico Fellini -

When the world starts to fall..

My world starts to fall,

I feel so suffocated

with " vagues " of memories

and drowned.


When my world starts to fall,

all the stars in the sky

start to fall as well.

They're all falling to the ground

and there's no star in the sky anymore.

People took all the stars,

bring them to the Earth,

and they all become artificial lights

without hearts.


When there are too many people on Earth,

there are no stars in the sky anymore

without any tears' drops.


So nobody really cares what you do.

Hanging like a Strange Fruit

I'm hanging

on the edge of the cliff

I am calling

but I know nobody would come to save me

I'm swinging

like a Strange Fruit

'til my flesh would be pecked

and torn by crows.

They would suck my blood,

and fly away.


I'm hanging like a Strange Fruit

from the tree

at the edge of the cliff

I don't even know

whom I was calling to.

I just needed some one

who comes to save my soul

when I needed it.


But I know

nobody would come to save me.

I'm still calling

hanging in the air ..

until my voice will reach someone I needed

1,000 Miles from here to find a happiness ..

I've traveled

1,000 miles,

however,

I haven't found

my final place to be

to feel safe and sound

completely.


I wanted to go

1,000 miles from here

and I've been going around the globe.

However,

I haven't found my final place

to lay my head

and sleep in peace, yet.


I've been going around the world

1,000 miles from here

but I haven't found

a place where I can find a real happiness in me ..

I have a World within ..

I've been traveling to many places

I still have pictures in me

which were captured

within my inner sight

and sometimes they flow

as my inner landscapes


I can travel back

anytime

anywhere

to the places I've been

with the scenery I've seen

with the emotions

once I lived in


They flow

wherever I am,

even with my eyes open,

I can travel back

to my inner landscapes



It was a " recall "

when I feel the same air,

in the same season

with the same temperature ..


When I feel the same breeze

on my cheek

I'm recalled

to where I was

where the feeling right now

overlaps my memories


I live in

past and present

at the same time


I still have a World within

Loneliness becomes your mirror, 2nd version

When loneliness comes up to you,

it becomes a mirror

to reflect who you are.


So, don't be afraid,

Be brave,

Let it show

who you really are.


And, don't be afraid to take your hand

when you look at it,

you can still reach your hand

to the other side

until the loneliness really becomes your friend


Just look at it

You are on the other side of the mirror,

When you take your hand

you are not all alone anymore


So, don't be afraid

and let it show and shine

until the loneliness becomes a mirror

to reflect who you really are..

When night shade comes upon you

When night shade

comes upon you,

the night falls

and you may feel like you're blind


But, don't be afraid,

you're not alone.


Night veil covers up your weeping face,

Night owls echoes the voice

of your heart within,

Creeks fill up your tears on your cheek

and wash them away into the rivers and ocean.


You are floating on the calm lake

where only the moon above you

nursing you

till you can finally close your eyes

and go to sleep safely.

You call me a " World "

I've been thinking about you

during this Christmas holiday season

since I listened to that song.


Probably,

I had listened to it

twice at your live performances.


I felt something, then,

but I couldn't figure out whole meaning of that song.



Now I listen to it,

over and over again.


Did you write this song

to make me feel guilty ?

Was it a purpose ?


Or did you wanted to tell me

how much you cared about me ? ..


That was the time

I was traveling around the world.

Immediately after,

you wrote that song..


You call me a " World "..


If that is so true,

I never realized

you felt for me so deeply ..


Were you in love with me ?

Or you just wanted to tell me

how resentful you felt for my life ? ..


Either way,

it was me, again,

who didn't care

how deep your feeling was.

Maybe I hurt you carelessly

like I've been always teasing you

in a way you described ..


I cannot still figure out

if it's true,

or it is just my imagination ..


Do you still feel for me this way ? ..


The answer is still in the air..


I've been thinking a lot about you

since you call me a " World " ..

Loneliness becomes your mirror ~ 孤独はあなたを映す鏡となる ~

孤独は

あなた自身を映す

鏡となる。


When loneliness comes up to you,

it becomes a mirror

to reflect who you are.


So don't be afraid,

Be brave,

Let it show

who you really are.


Just look into

the other side of the mirror,

you are there.


So don't be afraid

to let it show

who you really are.


Loneliness will be your mirror

and let it shine

till you find yourself

by looking at it.

Don't let the darkness swallow me

" Don't let the darkness

swallow me,

otherwise,

I will cut your throat

till death.


That is the way I survive

and that's how I learned

to lead my life

to the bright side. "

Useless Effort

You said

you were fed up with my sorrow.


You said

you don't want to even see

my shadow.


You think

I cry until I swallow.



When a giant mouth

come to eat me,

I'm swallowed into darkness.


I'm at the bottom of the monster's stomach

with other kids swallowed.


It's all dark and wet.


They were crying

and calling for their mothers.


But I didn't.

Because I knew it was an useless effort.


Instead of crying,

I climbed up from

his esophagus,

and cut his throat.


Now I still survive

'til Sunshine gets my eyes.


I'm crying without tears

That is the most part of my life

Like I always do ..

Tapping into the darkness

As the darkness comes into me,

The Night Shade spotted by

moonlight.


There is a sound of footsteps,

footsteps coming towards us

Like a Cat dancing with taps

on the cobbles.


You can only see the foot and shadow.

A Young Girl avec pies-noirs - black shoes -

You can only see her dancing shadow

with the spotlight of the moon,

fading into the darkness ..


Until the Night Shade becomes

part of your friend,

she invites us

to the other side after the twilight


" Hello Darkness with moonlight,

you are my old friend.  "

'til I shed the tears of my soul ..

People don't know

how many times

I shed tears of blood.


People don't know

the agony I have

when I create things

which reflect my soul.


People just think

I'm always smiling,

and don't get into any depth.


That's all lie.

The truth lies within my soul.

People just see

the surface of my faces.


So, let it flow

as words flow

the truth lies in between lines

Until they really become

tears of my soul

so that they can finally see

the colors of my tears

which reflect my soul ..

Waves of my memories .. 思い出の波に揺られながら

私は

繰り返し反復してやって来る

思い出の波に

のまれようとしている。


その思い出の

泥のような水を飲み込んでは

溺れそうになり

アップダウンを繰り返している


しかし

一瞬上に上がった時

目にした風景は

美しく、

そしてその思い出が

もうそこにはないことに

気づくのだ。


I'm totally safe here.

The nightmare has gone.


今見ている風景は、うつくしい


It's gone and all over.

Scenery here is beautiful.

There's no need to turn back anymore..


そして私はまだ

その思い出の波に

揺られている。

まるで揺り籠のように

身を委ねながら。


そして私は

遠い日の

記憶を辿り

あの時の自分の選択が正しかったことを

今一度、再確認するのだ


To recognize

what I did was right.


I'm still floating

with the waves of my memories,

hoping

this will end someday.


思い出の波に、

揺られながら。

秋と冬の狭間に ~ Somewhere in between autumn and winter ~

まだ秋の名残が残っている

山々に

赤や黄色の

火が灯る。


秋が静かに

冬に移行して行くあいだに

その風景は

霧雨に濡れ、

しっとりと

佇んでいる。


ひっそりと、

温かいぬくもりを

添えながら。


When autumn is gone,

winter comes.

We are still somewhere in between.

今はまだその狭間に

私たちは居る。


2018/12/08

Floating under the moonlight

I'm all alone

in the ocean

It's calm there,

no waves on the surface

under the moonlight


I'm floating on the vast sea

No one's there

There's no sound

I'm calm and comfortable

just floating under the moonlight


I haven't seen anyone for days

I'm all alone

floating on the ocean's surface

under the moonlight

until you find me


2018 late December

I'm dying again, to be reborn.

I'm dying again
to be reborn

I'm dying again
to meet you

I'm dying to be reborn
to bloom the wide flower again


I'm waiting for the spring time to bloom
once again, under the sunshine

I'm dreaming again
in the soil, under the ground

I'm waiting in the darkness
for my time will come again in the brightness


I'm dying once again
to be reborn
to dream once again

I'm dreaming to be reborn
to hold my dreams
within my arms

I will be reborn
to hold on to the dreams with you
once again, in my arms ..


I will be dying again and again
till I really find you ..
till I close my eyes one day.

死は生へと、通ずるもの。

私の周りで
あらゆるものが
枯れ果てていく。

何もかもが死に絶え、
新しく生まれ変わろうとしている。

一年に一度冬至の日に
太陽が死に、また次の日には生まれ変わるように。

今はその正月が過ぎた。


あらゆるものは一度死に、
また新しく生まれ変わる。

一年中咲いている花などこの世にはない。

一度は死ななければ、
生まれ変わることもできない。

新しくまた美しい花を咲かせる為には
一度冬に死ななければならない。

咲き続けると、もう二度と
以前のようには、美しくは咲けないからだ。


私の中で何かが一度死んだ。
そしてまた産まれ出ずる為に。

Weeping Soul in the Sky

私は
私の声しか届かない空に向かって
叫び続けていた

耳を塞ごうとも
聴こえてくる、
鴉の叫び声にも似た
自分の声を聴きながら

Weeping soul in the sky
Weeping soul in the sky

誰もいない空に向かって

Groaning into the cloud

私の声は
耳を塞いでも
かき消されない

その嗄れた声は
誰もいない空に
木霊して
鳴り響き続ける

Weeping soul in the sky
still continues


私以外見えない空に向かって、
叫び続ける
いつまでもその嗄れた声が
鳴り響き続ける空に向かって

自分の中だけに木霊して、
反響する音を
何度も聴きながら
夜を迎える

The voice still continues after the darkened sky in me ..
till my face's broken into pieces ..


２０１８年１２月末日

Quotation from Daria Halprin's words

" Art that arises out of the inner landscape,

and is connected to our lived experience,

illuminates the darkness and heals the soul. "

- Daria Halprin



「 心象風景から産まれ出ずる、

我々の経験と結びついた藝術は、

心の闇を照らし出し、魂を癒す。」

ダリア・ハルプリン